Jan Berenstain

Frighteningly boring.

It's a good message, just not a very interesting story.

Message

The dark isn't scary, but it's okay to be afraid of it anyway.

Babysitters are a last resort, but not scary.

I'm not really sure what the message is. It seems to have a message, but then loses it.

Message

Don't be afraid of babysitters?

Tedious lift-the-flap book.

It's just supposed to be a lift-the-flap book, but I think by the time the kids are old enough to lift the flaps without just tearing them to shreds, they're kind of beyond this. Maybe most kids aren't as destructive as mine was.

Message

Baby animals are born in the spring.

Dogs sure do love bones, amiright?

And even if they were real bones, dogs don't just like love bones. In the same way that mice just don't love cheese. This is just inane. There's no real message. There's no real point.

Message

None.

Papa Bear fails at riding a bicycle.

Another stupid old Berenstain Bears book where Papa tries to teach Small Bear how to ride a bike and keeps not listening to his own advice and getting maimed and mangled in various ways, and Small Bear just thanks him for showing him what not to do.

Message

Be careful when you ride bikes.

Don't do this to your kids.

What?! This isn't... bad... it's just stupid. So there's a realistic problem, and a stupid resolution to it. It's not harmful, but it's not helpful.

Message

Babies take a lot of attention.

Papa Bear fails at being a detective.

Wow, that's a terribly useful book. Papa Bear has a dog, for crying out loud, that he seems to be trying to get to sniff the trail. So they are literally following their noses at the beginning and that doesn't lead to the answer.

Message

None.

Boring book literally about bears being on wheels.

A lot less interesting than it sounds. Very simple. Nothing happens. There's no story.

Message

Teaches numbers. Counting, perhaps.

Papa Bear fails at being entertaining.

This is Papa Bear being an idiot again. It's really not that interesting to watch Papa Bear fail repeatedly.

Message

Picnics are terrible.

Don't go camping with idiots.

He gets very badly hurt and comes home, and then the Bear Scouts say, "At least he showed us what not to do. Ha ha ha ha ha ha." The end. I don't even know what the message is. "Papa Bear is an idiot," maybe.

Message

Don't take advice from the inexperienced.