Jan Berenstain

The Berenstain Bears' Valentine Party

May 24, 2018

It's not even a party. It's just a school day.

The best part: On the second page, inside Sister Bear's backpack, is a Valentine that says "My", a symbol of a heart, then a picture of a pair of pants, and then "4 You." Is that "My heart pants for you?" Who says that? That's just bizarre. "My heart shorts for you?" "...jeans for you?" None of those make any sense. It's next to one that's got a picture of a bee and then says "mine" underneath, obviously "Be mine." That's pretty common. Maybe just "My pants for you?" A bit direct for grade school, don't you think?

Message

Valentines are cool?

The Berenstain Bears Trim the Tree

November 9, 2017

I'll trim your tree, if you know what I mean. And I don't.

It's a pretty inane and simple lift-the-flap book. I feel children of an age where they would still be interested in lift-the-flap books would also be tearing the books apart. But maybe my kids are more destructive than average children. The story is basically just a vehicle for the lift-the-flap gimmick. There's nothing to it; there's no message; nobody learns anything; nothing happens.

Message

Decorating Christmas trees is fun.

The Berenstain Bears: The Very First Christmas

November 9, 2017

Have yourself a Beary little Christmas.

They have their own Bear Jesus? The world of the Berenstain Bears gets weirder and weirder as time goes on, and as Mike Berenstain builds on the legacy of his parents in a more and more Christian way. Especially given that at least one of the earlier books had a fox creature. Do the fox people have Fox Jesus? Or are they a lesser race that has to settle for the Jesus of another species?

Message

This is the story of Christmas.

The Berenstain Bears and the Nutcracker

February 17, 2017

What's an im-ag-in-a-shun?

"Go use your imagination." "How do we do that?" Like they've never imagined anything in their lives. It's kind of bland. It just seems like they're copying this older story instead of being very imaginative. It's like the writer was being lazy.

Message

Using your imagination is awesome!

The Berenstain Bears and the Spooky Old Tree

October 7, 2016

Repetitive, overly simplistic pointless robbery book.

There's no real point. Pretty much everything is interchangeable. The characters are interchangeable. The plot points could have happened in any order.

Message

None.

The Berenstain Bears and Mama For Mayor

October 7, 2016

Basically half a book about political responsibility.

Huh? I'm so confused. It's like they didn't even care enough to finish the book.

Message

Don't run for mayor?

Bears in the Night

October 7, 2016

Unnecessary explicit preposition instruction.

Well, that was a complete lack of a story. This is from a time when people thought that you had to explicitly teach people these things. You don't!

Message

None.

The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room

October 7, 2016

Mama flips out.

Maybe they could have a more natural consequence, like not being able to find what they're looking for, or falling over things that have been left in the middle of the floor. That happens too, and that could be a realistic consequence instead of Mama making threats because she's being taking advantage of as a parent.

Message

Keep your room clean.

The Berenstain Bears Go to the Doctor

October 7, 2016

Mixture of accurate information and inaccurate.

The doctor prescribes Papa some medicine for his cold, which is not a thing that exists. There is no medicine that gets prescribed for colds. They're viruses, not bacteria. But, hey.

Message

Don't be afraid of doctors.

The Berenstain Bears: We Love Trucks!

October 7, 2016

Tiresome book about trucks.

It's pretty simplistic. It kind of makes me think of Richard Scarry's Cars and Trucks and Things that Go, which my kid had a copy of and which was a lot more interesting than this book, but apparently a lot of fun to rip into pieces as well.

Message

Trucks are awesome.