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The Berenstain Bears: All Aboard!

October 29, 2016

The train to snoozeville.

Their friends would as bored hearing the story as I was reading it. Their friends wouldn't care.

Message

Trains are cool.

The Berenstain Bears: Safe and Sound!

October 31, 2016

Skateboarding safety gear is radical.

How big is Bear Country, anyway? They took a fricking road trip around it in another book, complete with their own version of Mount Rushmore and Niagara Falls, and now they've got the Official Skate Park in somebody's cow pasture.

Message

Wear your safety gear.

Goodnight Moon

October 24, 2016

A book about nothing, nothing, and also nothing.

This would be more interesting than a list of bullet points than a book.

Message

None.

The Berenstain Bears' Dinosaur Dig

November 3, 2016

An unrealistic depiction of the work of a paleontologist.

If you did find that kind of thing, you certainly wouldn't let an entire family traipse through the middle of your dig!

Message

Dinosaurs are cool.

The Berenstain Bears and the Big Spelling Bee

November 5, 2016

Nerdy things aren't fun.

Papa Bear, to his credit, realizes that he's done something wrong before it's pointed out to him by Sister Bear, so he's able to take her criticism well.

Message

Nobody cares about spelling.

King of the Railway (Thomas & Friends)

October 28, 2016

At least the kids won't understand the implications.

Seriously, I never really thought about the universe of Thomas the Tank Engine until I read this book.

Message

Stay away from mines?

The Berenstain Bears' Really Big Pet Show

October 27, 2016

All pets are equal, but some are more equal than others.

If I didn't know better, I would think they were intending to write something about the "entitlement generation." Because, seriously, that's what this turns out to be. "I can't decide who is the best! Everybody gets a prize!"

Message

You can never have too many pets. All pets are awesome.

The Berenstain Bears' Computer Trouble

November 7, 2016

Gosh darn these newfangled machines and their social networkings.

I feel really discriminated against as a computer nerd.

Message

The Internet is bad.

The Berenstain Bears' Sleepover

November 8, 2016

Hijinks stereotypically ensue.

We're supposed to get into trouble! Let's get into some super-stereotypical trouble right now!

Message

Go to sleep at a sleepover? Sleepovers are exhausting for parents?